Sophia Bush Opens Up on Death of Google Exec, Ex-BF Dan Fredinburg

The death of a loved one can be really hard on people, even when that loved one is an ex.

"Chicago PD" actress Sophia Bush learned about death the hard way when her ex-boyfriend, Google programming executive Dan Fredinburg, died during the massive earthquake that hit Nepal in April. He was climbing Mount Everest.

Bush is still processing his death, and in the September issue of Health Magazine, she shared for the first time how it felt to lose someone she cared for deeply.

Bush said, "Losing one of my best friends a few months ago shattered me. There were days I felt like my body had been turned inside out. I felt like my heart was on the outside of my body and everyone who came near me was stabbing me."

However, instead of letting his death consume her, she let his death be a motivation. She told the magazine, "The crazy thing is that since Dan died, the lessons have come like Mack trucks. There is no next time. There is no excuse to wait a day to do what you want to do and to change the way that you want to change."

She recalled wanting to save the world as a child, which her parents thought she would outgrow. But she never did. Now 33, Mirror UK noted that Bush helped fundraise money for OrphanGift in Fredinburg's name. She also helped different organizations like Pencils of Promise for children to gain access to education, and I Am That Girl to help build support networks for girls.

Her most recent partnership came with a beauty line called I Smell Great, which creates fragrances that aim to inspire female confidence. This makes sense as one of her biggest fears is not being enough.

She told Health Magazine "The word enough is a monster for me. I don't know how anyone ever feels that they are enough: successful enough, smart enough, pretty enough, healthy enough."

While this is a personal fear for her, it is interesting to note that her "One Tree Hill" character Brooke Davis, shared the same fear -- she played the part for nine years. E! News quoted Brooke from the show's fourth season: "That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough: not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough."

Today though, she is much more rooted. She shared, "My heart still feels open and I'm still madly in love with the world, but I understand very quickly how to read a person's energy and how to better protect my own."

Catch Sophia Bush in the third season of "Chicago PD," returning to NBC on September 30.